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If you are looking to try and forget the memories of your life that you had before your divorce, if you will excuse my pun, forget it!

You may believe there’s no way of getting past this type of issue. You do not want to forget the good times that you have endured especially if those memories included children, of course, but there IS a way, not to forget, but to neutralise the way you feel about the painful ones.

Just as you can look back and laugh at an event that was, at the time, acutely embarrassing, you can harness that natural mental skill that changes feelings, and exchange hurt for a shrug and what was once painful even into a giggle!

Memories are something that we will have for a lifetime. These are sometimes good and other times they are hard to hold onto. There are some instances when all we really want to do is forget about the world and move on with our lives.

This is true for anyone that is going through a divorce. This can be the most difficult time of your life and you will have to make the necessary arrangements to keep the good memories and not forget the old, but CHANGE them!

Even if you have many bad memories, perhaps after a long marriage, you can still make changes.

I am not talking about re-writing history. I’d agree with you that that is impossible. What you must realize is that memories are happening in your head now - like a repeat of an old TV show - and since it is a present event, you can change it, just as you can change your mind.

You may be getting divorced after many long years of marriage. You will have had your share of ups and downs and it is important for you to hold onto the good memories so that you can keep a positive attitude towards life.

When you are going through a divorce, it will seem like everything will bring up a familiar memory to you. You will want to make sure that you are going to be able to deal with those times and all the feelings that come along with it.

You may have to find a way to cope with them and to get past the things that remind you of the good old days. In these moments, it’s useful to have an “anchor” to hold onto.

Think of something that makes you laugh out loud - maybe a good friend who always gets your funny bone, or a favourite comedy moment that always cracks you up - and replay that in your mind over and over again.

Each time you feel the giggles coming on, just squeeze your thumb and finger together, (doesn’t matter which ones, as long as it’s the same one every time). After a dozen or so times, just the squeezing action will bring on a mini-giggling fit!

Now, when something unexpectedly brings up a painful memory, use your finger squeeze to over-ride it, and you’ll begin to get the notion that far from being at the mercy of your feelings, your feelings are in fact under your control.

One of the worst aspects of grief and anger is the feeling that they’re out of your control. Now they don’t have to be!

Sometimes it is ok to have the fond memories come back. There are many times when you are going to have these feelings of old memories come rushing back. You will have the comfort of these memories as long as you are able to control the way that they make you feel.

You want to be able to keep these memories in the back of your mind but you also want to be able to get past the bad feelings that some of these memories can leave for you. These simple yet powerful techniques will help you to do just that.

You should remember that you will still have many new memories to make for yourself and your family. You want to take comfort in the fact that you still have a life to live and you want to make the most of the life that you have now. You want to go on and continue to enjoy the good things in life as much as you can.

The worst thing that you can do is to try to shut out the memories that you have created with someone that you loved even if now you are no longer in love with that person. Trying to shut out pain will only make you focus on it more, and shutting out the pleasant memories is to cause yourself more pain!

As you use these techniques, you will find more ways to accept the fact that the past is gone and that you now have to live for the future and what it holds in store for you.

A divorce is not the end of the world - it’s also, like all endings, a new beginning - and you will want to find ways to move past the hurt and get to the good stuff that lies ahead.

Trevor Emdon is a personal development author and coach. “How To Love Again When Your Heart’s Been Broken” which has many more powerful emotion healing ideas, is available from http://www.in-love-again.com.

Hitting a bump in the road in the course of a divorce can be extremely frustrating especially when you just want it over and done with. A divorce proceeding can be delayed for several reasons, ranging from custody battles to alimony payments. You will do well to settle all your disputes before approaching a divorce table to avoid delays.

A divorce takes two just as it takes two to tango. Don’t be quick to heap the blame of divorce on your ex because if you do, you won’t grow up. Learn to examine your contribution to your divorce as it will enable you mature and give you the wisdom to learn how to prevent another divorce in future.

Becoming revengeful in the course of a divorce proceeding will not help you or your spouse. The fact about the matter is that a tit for tat attitude in the process of a divorce can make it a volatile one. A good divorce advice is for you to both be mature about your divorce if you are going to make any headway.

Divorce lawyers are growing fat thanks to all the money that they make off divorce cases. Divorce is becoming big business and more lawyers are opting for divorce law. As brutal as it sounds, divorce is a viable means of income for divorce lawyers these days. You have a choice to decide not to add to this source of income by ensuring you remain married or ensuring that you next marriage works!

Your mental attitude can go a long way in determining if your divorce will be stressless or not. If your mental attitude is negative, you will be stressed up during the divorce. There is a law of attraction that you need to apply if you are to enjoy a hassle free divorce; think good things and good things will come to you!

Online scams make it necessary for you to be careful when you are looking for an online divorce agency or service. Make sure that you understand the conditions of service as offered by any online divorce firm before you sign on.

Before you start a divorce proceeding, make sure that your finances add up. Most people get stuck at the stage where their finances are to be shared because they aren’t even sure about how much they have. In getting a divorce accurate financial knowledge and information is crucial.

Accept the fact that your spouse is different from you. Accepting the differences in your spouse can help to develop your relationship. What’s a marriage without a few differences? Knowing this and accepting it can help to prevent a divorce.

For more info,http://www.afterdivorce101.com/

As a divorce coach, I’m accustomed to the emotional upheaval a person going through divorce feels. But recently I’ve tuned in to the “collateral damage” caused by a divorce–the impact of divorce on friends. Insecurity, grief, resentment, and anger are common reactions as friends are forced to regroup and rebuild relationships with the now uncoupled individuals.

If a couple experiences divorce as an earthquake, the effect on their friends is the aftershock. Here’s how one woman described the anguish of her friends’ divorce: “I try to support my friend, but sometimes I feel like I need help, too. How could she do this to me?!”

Questioning Their Marriage
Divorce of a close friend breeds insecurity. It’s often expressed this way: “It seems as if good, solid marriages are all coming apart.” I think, “If Mary and Jim are divorcing (and they had a great marriage!), what about my marriage, with its bumps and wrinkles?” I feel fragile. I wonder “Is my marriage in jeopardy?”

Mourning the Death of a Marriage
It’s common for friends of a divorcing couple to experience grief as they mourn the death of this friendship. This is especially true if the marriage and friendship are long-term and their friends relate to them as a couple: bobandmary, johnandvivian. Friends of the divorced couple often resist and resent the change: They think, “What about all the good times we had together? If they would just have counseling, maybe they could stay together and our friendship could continue as it is.”

Renegotiating Friendships
Establishing new relationships with the couple as individuals–john AND mary–is tricky. Sometimes, the divorcing couple divide up their friendships–or the friends choose sides–either way, one of the friends slips from their life. Even trickier is trying to remain friends with both people. Friends wonder, “Invite John or Vivian to the birthday party? Should I Invite them both and just let them sort it out?”

Adjusting to “Step friends”
And then there is the problem of “step friends,” the ex-husband’s or the ex-wife’s new significant other. Sometimes, there’s outright dislike (He left Mary for her?). It’s awkward because there’s no shared history: He doesn’t remember the great New Year’s party; he didn’t participate in the annual camping trip, and he doesn’t know mutual friends. She’s not in any of the old photos.

Maybe the step friend is measured against the former spouse and comes up short: This one has no sense of humor, drinks too much, laughs too much! Or the step friend is simply resented for taking your place - of their old friend.

Judy Smith, M.S. RCC is the Director of the Center for Planned Change. She has developed a distinctive, action-oriented program to help divorced women over 50 create the life they want and deserve. Contact Judy at http://www.judysmithdivorcecoach.com

Disclaimer: I am not an attorney and do not give legal advice. Anything in this article is for informational purposes only.

Family law is different from state to state, but there are enough similarities that the information contained here will apply.

STEP 1: THE DIVORCE PROCESS STARTS

You and your spouse have come to realize that things are not going smoothly. There are arguments, you’d rather be with your friends then your spouse, and there may be long moments of silence at home. Whatever has changed, one or both of you decide it’s time to split up and go your separate ways.

One of you has to find a lawyer and file a petition or complaint to get things in motion. Then a summons is served on you. This means that you have a certain time period in which to respond. This time period may vary depending upon your state’s laws. The divorce process has officially started.

STEP 2: DIVISION OF ASSETS

Now comes the hard part. Someone usually has to move out. Usually, this falls to the husband. There are many things that have to be taken into account. I am going to touch on only a few.

Money (usually the most important asset) must be divided equitably as soon as possible. Get what is yours as quickly as you can now, because later on it becomes near impossible. Get your own separate accounts set up for a deposit of any funds you manage to get your hands on, preferably at a different bank then your joint account was located.

If you are the one moving out, get your name taken off the utilities, telephone, and anything else to do with the domicile you just vacated. Any asset that has both your names as co-owners should be taken into account and dealt with in such a way that only one of you is the sole owner.

This is a good time to discuss whether or not to sell certain assets, such as a house, boat, cars, etc. Most women want to keep “their” house. If children are involved, it’s not a bad deal, as they will not have to move, start new schools, new friends, etc. Just make sure you work it so you get some of your equity out so you can afford to live somewhere other than a shack. A preliminary plan for a budget, think of it as a pre-support plan, should be worked out.

Gerald Costa was a family man with 3 children that went through the divorce process. He is primarily self taught and strives to impart the knowledge he gained through his own divorce. Find out more Family Law, Child Custody and Custody Battle information at http://www.secretsoffamilylaw.com

Hitting a bump in the road in the course of a divorce can be extremely frustrating especially when you just want it over and done with. A divorce proceeding can be delayed for several reasons, ranging from custody battles to alimony payments. You will do well to settle all your disputes before approaching a divorce table to avoid delays.

A divorce takes two just as it takes two to tango. Don’t be quick to heap the blame of divorce on your ex because if you do, you won’t grow up. Learn to examine your contribution to your divorce as it will enable you mature and give you the wisdom to learn how to prevent another divorce in future.

Becoming revengeful in the course of a divorce proceeding will not help you or your spouse. The fact about the matter is that a tit for tat attitude in the process of a divorce can make it a volatile one. A good divorce advice is for you to both be mature about your divorce if you are going to make any headway.

Divorce lawyers are growing fat thanks to all the money that they make off divorce cases. Divorce is becoming big business and more lawyers are opting for divorce law. As brutal as it sounds, divorce is a viable means of income for divorce lawyers these days. You have a choice to decide not to add to this source of income by ensuring you remain married or ensuring that you next marriage works!

Your mental attitude can go a long way in determining if your divorce will be stressless or not. If your mental attitude is negative, you will be stressed up during the divorce. There is a law of attraction that you need to apply if you are to enjoy a hassle free divorce; think good things and good things will come to you!

Online scams make it necessary for you to be careful when you are looking for an online divorce agency or service. Make sure that you understand the conditions of service as offered by any online divorce firm before you sign on.

Before you start a divorce proceeding, make sure that your finances add up. Most people get stuck at the stage where their finances are to be shared because they aren’t even sure about how much they have. In getting a divorce accurate financial knowledge and information is crucial.

Accept the fact that your spouse is different from you. Accepting the differences in your spouse can help to develop your relationship. What’s a marriage without a few differences? Knowing this and accepting it can help to prevent a divorce.

For more info,http://www.afterdivorce101.com/

Anger can be and usually is a lingering emotion after a divorce. Holding on to anger after a divorce can incapacitate you and prevent you from doing a lot of things. A good divorce advice is for you to move on after your divorce and strive to let go of anger. You can get advices and information from the Internet because lots are discussed around the online community about this topic–like divorce public records, divorce statistics, state divorce laws.

Children want to blame themselves when things are going wrong with their parents. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your kids are not sensitive to the tension that may exist between you and your spouse. A divorce that isn’t handled well can leave your kids feeling bewildered, angry and insecure.

Becoming revengeful in the course of a divorce proceeding will not help you or your spouse. The fact about the matter is that a tit for tat attitude in the process of a divorce can make it a volatile one. A good divorce advice is for you to both be mature about your divorce if you are going to make any headway.

Make your children forget the pain of a divorce by organizing fun events for them. If you deviate from what your kids were used to before you got your divorce, you will be disrupting their train of thoughts and their emotions. Try as much as possible to make life normal for your kids after a divorce.

Some people opt for an online divorce because they detest the idea of washing their dirty laundry in front of a divorce lawyer. With online divorce, you don’t need to enlist the services of a divorce lawyer to mediate your divorce for you. Your privacy and dignity is preserved with an online divorce.

Marriage is all about handling differences. If you want your marriage to succeed, you should handle the fact that your spouse in not like you and celebrate those traits and characteristics that make him or her different.

A divorce proceeding can be emotionally destabilizing. People who are in the process of a divorce tend to fly off the handle very quickly because of the emotional strain involved. It is vital, that while you keep your emotions intact and in check during a divorce, you don’t repress them.

Accept the fact that your spouse is different from you. Accepting the differences in your spouse can help to develop your relationship. What’s a marriage without a few differences? Knowing this and accepting it can help to prevent a divorce.

For more info, http://www.afterdivorce101.com/

Studies have recently been carried out into the mental health of divorced women and the results recently published. The findings were taken from three differing groups of people with startling similarities in the results despite diverse original circumstances. This was an observational study carried out in three phases over a period of three years.

Experiment A took a look at the divorcees under the age of twenty five. In general, these women were at the lower end of the income scale but money was not thought to have any bearing as all groups from experiment A to experiment C were of mixed income levels.

The first group to be studied threw up results that were quite shocking and a true marker of today’s morality and a gauge of society in general. The mental health of this group was measured when they first reported problems in their marriages. It remained steady despite a difficult period in a relationship and actually became stronger once divorce proceedings were under way. This goes to prove that women have hardened over time and have to be the more emotionally stable part of a relationship.

Experiment B looked at individual women who had experienced problems during their thirties. It became apparent that children were beginning to find their own feet and a mother was feeling less depended upon and more in a position to establish a life of her own.

Although it was discussed with these women that they could re-establish their marriage on different grounds most decided that it wasn’t worth the bother and that they quite relished the thought that they could have the bed to themselves, wear big knickers when they wanted and not have to shave their armpits for a fortnight at a time.

These last three things were the largest markers in this experimental group that seemed to bring the most satisfaction, rated at nine out of ten compared to chocolate that rated ten out of ten and renewing their relationships scoring a pitiable one out of ten.

Experiment C was a slightly more difficult group to ascertain. This was the control group of women in their late forties. Women from experiment C had come from a background where you got to a certain age, got married and had kids. That was what was expected of you and any diversion was frowned upon.

So, experiment C subjects dutifully found themselves a husband, had 2.4 children, cooked, cleaned and took Valium for the things that were missing in their lives. These things consisted of the minor choices in life like, what to watch on TV, what nights to perform their conjugal duties and what colour to paint the lounge.

Although the women from experiment C began life in much the same way as the others they were less than happy with their lot and the incidence of poor mental health supported by a barrage of prescription drugs were high. However, divorce was the pivotal point that this all changed.

Studies showed that within a year of divorce, these women had ditched the Valium, learnt to put spiders out by themselves, joined a gym and lost the polyester A line skirts in favour of boot flare jeans and a new found smile that showed as a delirious grin after the consumption of large quantities of red wine.

Mental health expert Catherine Harvey looks at the results of experiment C to judge women’s health. To find out more please visit http://www.experimentc.com/

When cheating, most men begin to mistreat their significant other in little ways. She may notice that he starts talking to her in negative nasty ways, or accuses HER of cheating (out of guilt I suppose). Some men become overtly disrespectful and stay out all night, stay gone for days at a time, or become verbally or physically abusive.

Confused women who wonder how love could have gone so wrong sometimes become depressed. Some end up in clinics on antidepressants because they don’t know how to express their anger in healthy ways without feeling they are risking losing their man even more.

Some don’t want to throw away years of investment in their union or take actions which they feel would make them responsible for a divorce, the destruction of their family and the ruination of their children’s lives. So they choose to stay and resignedly accept their man’s cheating. Some women are so devastated by the hurt and so angry that they end the relationship or marriage on the spot.

Often though, they are sorry later that they didn’t try to work it out utilizing couples counseling.

Some men cheat once and never do again. Those marriages can probably be saved. Others are habitual philanders with no intention of being committed and married on a spiritual level. To these men, marriage is merely a social convenience, something that one does to appease ones family or to appear respectable to superiors on the job. What kind of marriage is that, really?

With infidelity, it is difficult to find the middle ground between denial and overreaction. But to me, trust is one of the most important ingredients in marriage. When infidelity or even the suspicion of infidelity rears its ugly head, the trust is violated.

Infidelity is a sign of something being wrong.

Admittedly, some men are womanizers and what is wrong with them is that they have issues with commitment and intimacy that they refuse to deal with and escape into a fantasy relationship with another women time after time. Other men though are seeking something they feel is missing in their primary relationship - understanding, excitement in bed, a woman that is challenging to them, etc.

Women often want to know how they can verify their suspicions and find out if their man is cheating. Here is a short list of the most common things that often point to a cheating man:

* When he no longer wants to have sex with you.
* When he gets mysterious phone calls and/or discourages you from ever looking at his cell phone.
* When he breaks dates, stands you up, shows up hours late with no reasonable explanation.
* When he starts to dress differently and/or does or requests wildly different things in bed.
* When he begins to talk to you or treat you abusively all of a sudden.
* When his established routine changes with no plausible reason.
* When he becomes suddenly forgetful and you have to tell him everything 3 times!

If you are confident that he is cheating, confront him immediately. Don’t wait until you catch him in the act with his drawers down! Don’t pretend you don’t know what is going on either. The longer you wait, the longer he will keep it up and think that what he is doing is okay.

The other danger is that he will become emotionally attached to this woman, and enjoy getting the secondary adolescent thrill of getting away with something. This thrill is often what keeps men cheating again and again. It’s somewhat addictive.

Men who cheat always say “if she had done something about it - gotten my parents or the priest on my back, or threatened me with divorce or disgrace or something before I got so good at lying to her, I would have stopped.”

So think hard about what you will do if you find out your man is definitely cheating. Some of the things listed above could also indicate drug use, so you need to know for sure what you are dealing with, then map out a plan of action that may have to include a temporary separation or even a breakup or divorce.

But if you are too afraid to do anything to confront your man or fight for your relationship or marriage, then girlfriend you will just not say anything and just go along with the program until he gets tired of either her, or you.

Deborrah is a dating expert whose columns appear on http://www.askheartbeat.com. Also author of the hilarious modern dating guide Sucka Free Love: How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged. Order your copy today on Amazon.Com

They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus and sometimes it really does feel like we’re speaking two different languages! All couples will run into a communication problem or two, whether it’s nagging or the constant “he said, she said” that can plague a relationship. But can men and women really communicate effectively with each other? Or are they too different to ever see eye to eye? Good communication is possible, but it takes effort. Read on for more tips on handling your communication crises:

First, good communication most often arises from two parties that are actively seeking a mutually beneficial solution in an emotion-free environment. Do you see the problem here? The times when we need good communication the most are when we’re in heated arguments, battling over who’s right and who’s wrong!

When an argument gets heated, it’s easy to say things we don’t really mean in an effort to prove our points. In fact, did you know that in these situations, your IQ can drop by as much as 20 points? Your brain shifts from using its logical reasoning to a type of fight or flight response designed to deal with this type of stress. You may notice physiological symptoms like sweating, flushed cheeks and rapid heartbeat that indicate you’ve passed from a logical frame of mind into an emotional, reactive mindset.

Recognizing these symptoms is a key step in regaining control of the communication process. If you notice yourself becoming more and more emotional, you might want to ask your partner for a brief time-out so that you don’t say or do something you don’t mean and will later regret. Restart the conversation only when you feel you’ve calmed down enough to speak rationally.

Or, if you’re able to, use these physiological effects as a cue to get back on track. Try to figure out what’s really bothering you and express that clearly to your partner. Remember to avoid blame statements in your conversations. Statements like “You never want to spend time with me” or “You don’t help out enough around the house” are loaded with blame and will only send the conversation back to the emotionally-charged realm.

Finally, remember that it’s hard to have an earnest, rational conversation when you’re bombarded by external distractions. Don’t try to have an important conversation in a busy public place or in front of the television at night. Give your partner your full attention during the discussion out of respect for his or her feelings. You’ll also be better able to pick up on little cues like posture and intonation that demonstrate how your partner is really feeling.

Men and women may never see eye to eye when it comes to communication. After all, we have some pretty distinct differences that often get in the way of being open and honest with one another. However, developing good communication skills is an essential part of building solid relationships and it can be done. So pick up that guide to Martian or that Venusian dictionary, dive in and get ready to reap the rewards of good communication.

http://www.SurvivingInfidelity911.com is dedicated to helping couples overcome relationship problems and infidelity.

By choosing to love someone else, we open ourselves up to possibilities. Possibilities to experience total bliss, passion, and deep soul satisfaction, as well as the possibility to experience total emotional devastation! But most of us view the possible benefits as being worth the risk, and so we involve ourselves with others to get love.

And therein lies the problem.

Experiencing loneliness and a hunger for companionship, we hide who we really are because we want the approval of others. We go out and do things for other people and behave in ways that we believe will convince them to love us.

We then look for an even exchange of “gimme then I’ll give you.” We require that others love us the way we want to be loved while we withhold and negotiate for the upper hand. We demand perfection and performance from our partners, while at the same time we are unwilling to make the sacrifices necessary to become the lovable person we seek to have.

In my mind, if you do the things listed above you are not loving; you are efficiently and in a businesslike manner exchanging services.

True love means having concern for and interest in those you are trying to love. Love means accepting them for who and what they are. Love is costly and love is demanding, and love is often very difficult. Love requires that our own thoughts and desires be for another and that self-interests be set aside.

In our “I-I, Me-Me, My-My” society, true love is becoming harder and harder to find.

As we live, we age and then we die. So it is with our relationships. Some relationships have a lifespan of months; others thrive and grow for decades. Equally important to loving is having the ability to let go and move on when love dies.

Some of you may have angrily expressed that these prior broken relationships were a waste of your time. Although you may be hurting from a broken heart, it is foolish to think of any relationship as having no value because it didn’t last forever.

Not all relationships are MEANT to last forever… many are just stepping stones on the river of life, there to get you to the other side where you will have become the person you were meant to be.

Change must be expected as one ages and matures. Sometimes you and your partner change together and for the better, and sometimes you don’t.

Certain attitudes will perpetuate painful feelings much longer than need be. Attitudes such as “I can’t be happy without this person,” or “Life without him/her is too hard,” or “After all I did, this is how s/he treats me!” or “I will never have another like him/her,” won’t get you anywhere. Thoughts and attitudes such as these prevent us from letting go, moving on and maturing mentally or emotionally.

Letting go hurts because not only do we let go of our partner, we must let go of all our dreams of a life with them. We let go of our present stage of life and our expectations of that life. We let go of many viewpoints. We let go of identifying ourselves as a part of this relationship, as half a couple with this individual. We must let go and move on from this time of our life, as it is finished and over.

Letting go is bound to cause a deep sense of loss. Loneliness, anger, grief, jealousy, fear of the future, panic, and in some cases, a deep and depressing sense of failure are just a few of the emotions waiting for us at the end of a relationship where we loved deeply.

It hurts, but the hurt is not endless. Time is the ultimate healer. After a few weeks the sharp pains turn into a dull ache, and after a few months you will hopefully be able to take a step back and realistically assess benefits gained from the association.

You can use this time alone wisely for introspection and spiritual development; understand your role in the failure of the relationship and vow to do things differently next time. Make plans for your future, do things you enjoy, or become productive and take care of other matters that need your time and attention.

Sure, you can feel bad all by yourself as the saying goes. But you will never feel as good as you can feel wrapped up in the arms of someone that you love with all your heart.

Always give the gift of love freely, and allow love to come in, sit down, and make a real difference in your life.

Deborrah is a dating expert whose columns appear on http://www.askheartbeat.com. Also author of the hilarious modern dating guide Sucka Free Love — How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional & The Deranged. Order your copy today on Amazon.Com